Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize