apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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