Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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