I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
