So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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