My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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