How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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