Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
