Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
