I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is Oprah even human
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
