Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
