he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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