just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
