Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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