Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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