Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
