I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The air taste purple.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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