i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
