its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
