i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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