First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
