We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize