So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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