Small penises have feelings too.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
