Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
