yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was born a porn star she said
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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