OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
