I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize