I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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