Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
