would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
