between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
