There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
