do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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