I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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