so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
