I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize