I smell stomach acid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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