she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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