No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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