so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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