i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
