I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
