Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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