How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
