she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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