He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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