Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
