I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
