So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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