Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
