end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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