The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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