i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
