people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
