They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
