i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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