have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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