I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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