I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
