How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
