i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize