Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
