So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
