ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
