: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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