The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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