she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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