omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
