Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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