They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
